Farewell
by joyfulemma
Summary: In which Brian speaks at the funeral. Part 2 of 'Dearest Olivia'.


-Brian speaks-

_(-They stare, stare and stare some more-)_

"I thank you all for coming today,"

_(-Liars; they're all liars. Look at the sympathy on their faces: liars!-)_

"We are here today to celebrate the life of Olivia Benson whose life was cut short by a tragic event. I cannot comment on your personal relationship with her but I thought that I should share my relationship with her. Olivia Benson, well, from the second I lay my eyes on her… I knew there was something about her that made her different from everyone else. A good kind of different."

_(-You smile feebly to show them you're not weak. You're strong Cassidy; strong-)_

"She… she… Olivia made me a better person. Before her I was ruthless, following orders blindly and then she came; she made me realize that sometimes life hits us pretty hard, but someone will always be there to guide you through whatever challenges come your way. Olivia Benson was a light in the most difficult time of my life."

_(-Your voice falters as you think about the mistakes you made-)_

"The mistakes that I made with her… are mistakes I'll never forget. I know it may not be true, but a part of me will always feel like this was my fault. Olivia was a decent soul, despite her red ledger; she was the person make the sacrifice card. Olivia was better than me a million fold, why she chose me I still don't know."

_(-You can feel the tears forming. Crying won't help you. Olivia doesn't want to see you cry. Don't let them know you're weak-)_

"Some people doubted our love. Some people said that she wasn't capable of love but they didn't know her like I did. No one knew the Olivia. I knew almost everything about her; I could read her like a book. She hated it. Did you know that Liv had a secret smile, yeah, she did, when she was at peace with no gun on her hip, she changed. She went from the tough sergeant to Olivia Benson."

_(-A few people pull out tissues. You want to slap them; no one cared about Olivia as much as you did-)_

"I miss you Liv. I miss you and you haven't even been gone for so long. You've been on missions for there is a difference this time. The difference is that you're not coming back. Not now and not ever. Are you happy up there? Is your mother with you? Olivia, why did you leave me? Didn't you love me?"

_(-You're crying now. Crying so hard that you cannot finish your speech. The words on the paper have blurred and you're body is shaking. Through your tears you swear you see Olivia outside the church in the sunlight. She's wearing a white dress and her hair is her natural brown. She's not wearing any guns and she's smiling; laughing almost. She doesn't move but just stares at you, the sunlight reflecting off her hair. You blink and she's gone. You feel a hand on your shoulder and look to your right. Amanda had a hand on your shoulder and was reading your eulogy for you. She was saying it beautifully. It makes you cry harder-)_

-Amanda speaks-

"I asked her to marry me. It was raining when I asked, just like our first kiss and our first meeting. It was also the rain, Olivia and I. it seemed as though we couldn't have anything important in our lives without the rain. God took my love away from me and with that, he took my heart. We can only with that the angels took Olivia with them on their way to heaven. We can only hope…"

_(-Olivia why did you leave me? Did you get my letters? Maybe you can read them in heaven-)_

"She wasn't taken away from us violently, as some like to believe. No, Olivia went peacefully in her sleep. She was beautiful, I'm not sure if any of you saw it but she as beautiful. I don't think that anyone truly appreciated her, not even I. we all took her for granted, then again, isn't that what we do with the people we love? We don't realize how much we love them until their gone. Well if that's true than I only realized just how in love I was with Olivia until yesterday. She was my other half, completely and utterly."

_(-Are you happy Liv? I'm sorry that I couldn't finish your speech, what kind of a fiancé am I? I hope you can forgive me-)_

"Olivia Benson died on the 25th of January, 2014, a day that I'm sure will never be the same for us again. Everything happens for a reason, it really does. I don't know much about muchness but the statistical probability of Olivia Benson falling in love was zero. I never thought that in a million years she was going to fall for me. I thought of her as a sister; someone I could tell anything. She was the most important person in my world. I miss you Liv, I really do and I'll miss you forever. Everyone in this room will miss you."

_(-They're all crying for you Liv can you see them? They're all crying. Can't you come back? Surely God could make an exception just this once. I'll take your place. How about that hey Benson? You can come back and I'll spend an eternity wherever you are – here's hoping it's somewhere nice – do you want to do that? Swap places?-)_

"Come back to me Olivia, please just come back to me. Just once more. Let me have one last touch of your skin, one last kiss, and one last embrace. Just one. Congregation Olivia could do one thing better than anyone else: she could live and I suppose, in the end, that's all that matters isn't it, that she lived. Olivia Benson, the woman without a childhood that never quite grew up; the woman who loved an unlovable man; the woman that feared no one and gave compassion to those in most need of it. That girl that you all knew so well lived. She lived."

_(-Amanda finishes and hugs you. You feel empty, completely empty. Flash images of Olivia run through your head like a silent movie. She's smiling. She's making tea. She's saying, "I love you". She's laughing. She's dancing._

_Amanda leads you back down to the seats and gives you a bittersweet smile almost as though to say that she understands. Through the rest of the funeral, you think about all the little things you're going to miss. You begin a mental letter-)_

Dear Olivia,

I never told you enough times but I love you. I really do. I truly genuinely love you. You were my lover, my soul mate and my friend. I hope you find what you're looking for. I really do.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you.

Goodbye.


End file.
